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The Art of Losing Myself



Losing myself is quite a distress;
Knowing that I'm giving the others a reason to diss;
But then YOU came and that's the most essential thing.
To bring and surrender my whole to Your beautiful name.
Losing myself is entirely a gift;
The art of it is stupefyingly deep.

 Sometimes I keep on wondering, "Why do people who praise GOD sometimes keep on losing themselves? And other people would often call the, crazy and all, mocked them because of their testimony, yet they still live with grace, showing abundance not in material things but in spirit?" Maybe because GOD never forsaken them, never leaving them throughout their mission in spreading the gospel to all creation, and providing them generously because of their deeds.

Let me share you something that made my heart inconsolable. I once had a Bible which is given by the Gideon. Those Bible were given for free in order to share the Word of God in all nations. And I'm one of those benefactors. I receive that Bible when I was in Elementary. I used to read it when I was a child, without knowing what really it is and dive down to its deepest meaning. But the night that I already accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, that's when I started reading it again. It was like a unusual thirst to know someone, that craving to know Him more, even if it was only the New Testament. Still, I was eager to know GOD and how to please HIM.

As I was looking for it around my closet, I could not find it. I thought I just forgot where I placed it. But then, something was bothering me: Could it be? No. They could not have done that. I went to my mother and asked, "Ma, where's my Bible?" And without hesitation, she told me the the words that broke my heart. "I hid it. Because we're worried that you may become crazy in trying so hard to grasp its content." My world then fell apart. Of all people, why does it have to be my mom? Why does it have to be my family who's opposing my relationship with GOD. Yes, they also knew GOD. But they want to stick to the tradition. The culture which they want to preserve even on their deathbed. And I don't think I'll continue sticking to it, now that my eyes are completely open and knows the truth.

So, our lives depended on it. Whether we continue to ignore the calling, or started to get up and start a fresh and wonderful relationship with?

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